I recently had a conversation with a couple who are older and their kids have not visited them for a while.
- At first, I was disappointed in their kids because no one should go through life lonely & not visited.
- I did not say anything to this couple, and they kept telling me how the kids were ingrates and unloving towards this person and the spouse.
- Then as they kept talking, I picked up that both of these people were married a few times each.
This is where my mouth didn’t let my Christian sense catch up.
- I went into my subconscious sales mode of probing for more information that had been dormant a few years since leaving all sales jobs behind.
- The more questions I asked, the more they explained their true ordeal.
- Both had left their kids behind from their previous marriages each time they had met the “one” they would live happily ever after. The combined total of kids was five kids left behind.
- Then I asked (what most people who leave a trail of mental and spiritual blood and pain behind) the question that very few kids from such marriages ask their parents, or should I say the parent that leaves —
- “Did you see your kids when they were young?
- “Did you go and see them regularly?”
- “Or talk to them during the week by phone or in person regularly?”
- “Did you make it a point to communicate with them always no matter what?”
Their response— “No, blah, blah, blah, poor excuses, woes me, nobody cares about me!”….was the usual answer to me.
- Now, here comes the shocking part, both professed to have a relationship with Christ as their Personal Lord and Savior. They both are physical and verbal decision to follow Jesus and ask Him to forgive them of all the things they had ever done.
- I then asked them, yes I know, my mouth was faster than my Christian sense again, “How’s your walk with Christ?”
- Now for those that don’t know what this walking with Christ is, it means that you communicate with God in a way that you would with your spouse, kids, grandkids, good friends, but with an incredibly more profound fashion.
Walking with God takes your whole being! You just don’t sit and pray and say, ”Thank you, how do You do and goodbye.”
- This walk with Christ is a thing that happens with constant and consistent communication and obedience to what God has in your life.
- It is where you sit long enough not to literally throw up all your spiritual and physical needs. It is not a one-way conversation.
Believe me, I have had many of these types of conversations with God. But the ones that give me a more genuine sense of grace, mercy, peace, and joy no matter the situations, are the ones when I just sit, being tired of the way things have been going when I don’t listen to God’s guiding Spirit.
- I explained this to the couple, and both were highly surprised at all my questions. They closed up and said that no one could judge them but God. I told them they were 100% correct. But I did not stop there…I know…I know…but again, the words were screaming to come out of my mouth, “You are 100% correct. God is the only One that will judge all of us. I see that you love each other and that love needs to be taken to your kids that were least behind.
- Some people take a few decades to get things right with their kids after such a terrible ordeal of breaking up as a family. I understand that.
- But what God says in his word is that for me as a man, Deuteronomy 21:15 tells me to love my kids and also my first wife.
- Had I been remarried, I would make sure that my unloved or as the King James puts it: “The beloved, and another hated, and they(wives) have born him children, both the beloved and the hated; and if the firstborn son be hers that was hated, then it shall be…that he may not make the son of the beloved firstborn(second, third, fourth marriages) before the son of the hated(first marriage), which is indeed the same of the firstborn….giving him(first marriage) double portions.”— Deuteronomy 21:15 KJV
- I explained what that meant. That all kids in their order were to have their parents’ full attention, money and time. I thought they were going to explode, but the husband looked at me, tears welling up. Realizing that he had not invested time into his kids or even thought of giving alimony cheerfully.
- The wife had a hardened heart. She looked at me and said, “See what you did! You are judging us!”
I ignored her… looked at him and said, there’s still time left to mend your kids. —””They need an apology. They need their dad to say, “I’m sorry for everything I caused you. It wasn’t your fault what happened between mom and I. Please forgive me for not being there and for leaving you. I want to be in your life and want to make so much better effort to hear you out on everything.””
- The wife started leaving, walking to her car. He stayed, and I heard the best thing he could have said…”Will you pray with me to give me the strength to face my kids?”
And there it was! It was his shame that had kept him away from his kids. Guilt and fear are horrible burdens to carry around for so long.
- I smiled and told him that the Lord had heard his tears and petitions already and started praying with him, in public, not caring who saw us.
That day, this man’s walk became real. He had listened to what God had been nudging him to do.
- I saw him a few months later, he was alone.
- The wife was not able to handle sharing him with others. Specifically, his own children, who are adults now and with their own kids.
She never apologized to her kids nor did she ever ask God for forgiveness. How do I know? The man told me he pleaded with her to no avail.
- All this to say, may your walk be filed with the grace, mercy, and peace that Christ can give you daily, hourly, and by the minute. May you be humble to ask Him to help you by cleansing your wrongs and guiding your rights. May He fill you with the strength to withstand a little humble pie (humiliation) when asking for forgiveness from all those you have left behind who call you dad, mom, uncle, aunt, poppa, nana…
Go and make things right for those firstborn, second born, third born kids and the unloved spouses left behind.